"Shout out to my ex, 'you're really quite the man'
You made my heart break and that made me who I am
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now
Well, I'm, I'm all the way up I swear you'll never, you'll never bring me down"
And I related to it I thought ' yeah my heartbreak changed me - it made me so much stronger'. then the still small voice spoke and said - ' no I did that, don't give him that power' so I listened to the song a few more times - its flipping catchy.
Thing was my heart was long broken before I started dating my Ex, arguably before I met him. He only compounded an issue that was there already. I was so interested in being loved I looked for it in every place I could find - especially boys. I had this broken thinking inside me that if I could just be chosen - I could just be enough for someone then well I would be worth something. It is not true. When the person you fall for just happens to be as broken as you are and has his own set of issues which play out in domination, control and abuse. ( he may or may not have worked on these since we broke up.I don't know.) it doesn't help.
Some people think that you have to be dumped to have your heart broken, that is not true. Mine was shattered long before I ever told him it was over. Sometimes when something destructive is eating at your heart, or someone destructive breaking: off that parasite, is actually the most healthy thing you can do. Heart break is necessary for healing to begin. The truth is that God healed my heart, It was not the heart break that made me stronger - it was giving God my heart and praying the most dangerous prayer in existence. 'Lord heal my heart whatever it takes.'.
I was trying to fill a God shaped part of me with something other than God. It was meeting with God and having a life changing encounter with him, that gave me the courage to leave my ex. Now God has my heart, he is filling those places where I needed him to - I feel loved now in ways I can't imagine. I don't need a boyfriend to feel worthy of love.
We give power to what we believe if that girl who wrote the song believes he formed her in the heartbreak she is wrong. Do you know what he absolutely doesn't have that power - to heal my broken heart - even in the getting over it - the grief the emotions don't have the power to heal your heart. only God has that power. I have learned so much in the years since and none of that is to do with anyone other than God and who God has placed in my life I worry that the kids who listen to songs like this will think that Heart break is a necessary part of forming yourself. it isn't, this survivor mentality is not mental strength or any kind of strength - there is a bitterness to the song, an edge that you know she isn't over him, not really. I am over my ex, took me a very long time, but I wish him well - despite what I went through - despite his issues. despite everything. I wish him all the best- he is forgiven for any hurt he caused me, I pray for him when I think of him so I don't dwell in that place because the enemy likes to take me there. I pray that God heals his heart too the bits of it broken long before he met me. He was not a bad person - just a broken one - as we all are. I couldn't heal him any more than he couldn't heal me, we were not good for each other and we could not have healed in the same relationship.
I know I loved him, but loving someone sometimes means stepping away if you are not helping them. sometimes the most loving thing you can do in your relationship is call time on it. ( Marriages are different in scripture I should point out - BUT you shouldn't stay with an abuser under any circumstances, married or not ). and if you are reading this the man I once hoped would be my 'future husband' know this I don't blame you, as far as I am concerned you are forgiven - yet it is still completely over I have moved on, I hope for your next girlfriend and your actual future wife that you take the time to work on the stuff in your heart - the broken stuff from way back because that will be a greater blessing to your marriage than being able to say you married the first person you ever kissed or something like that.
And I related to it I thought ' yeah my heartbreak changed me - it made me so much stronger'. then the still small voice spoke and said - ' no I did that, don't give him that power' so I listened to the song a few more times - its flipping catchy.
Thing was my heart was long broken before I started dating my Ex, arguably before I met him. He only compounded an issue that was there already. I was so interested in being loved I looked for it in every place I could find - especially boys. I had this broken thinking inside me that if I could just be chosen - I could just be enough for someone then well I would be worth something. It is not true. When the person you fall for just happens to be as broken as you are and has his own set of issues which play out in domination, control and abuse. ( he may or may not have worked on these since we broke up.I don't know.) it doesn't help.
Some people think that you have to be dumped to have your heart broken, that is not true. Mine was shattered long before I ever told him it was over. Sometimes when something destructive is eating at your heart, or someone destructive breaking: off that parasite, is actually the most healthy thing you can do. Heart break is necessary for healing to begin. The truth is that God healed my heart, It was not the heart break that made me stronger - it was giving God my heart and praying the most dangerous prayer in existence. 'Lord heal my heart whatever it takes.'.
I was trying to fill a God shaped part of me with something other than God. It was meeting with God and having a life changing encounter with him, that gave me the courage to leave my ex. Now God has my heart, he is filling those places where I needed him to - I feel loved now in ways I can't imagine. I don't need a boyfriend to feel worthy of love.
We give power to what we believe if that girl who wrote the song believes he formed her in the heartbreak she is wrong. Do you know what he absolutely doesn't have that power - to heal my broken heart - even in the getting over it - the grief the emotions don't have the power to heal your heart. only God has that power. I have learned so much in the years since and none of that is to do with anyone other than God and who God has placed in my life I worry that the kids who listen to songs like this will think that Heart break is a necessary part of forming yourself. it isn't, this survivor mentality is not mental strength or any kind of strength - there is a bitterness to the song, an edge that you know she isn't over him, not really. I am over my ex, took me a very long time, but I wish him well - despite what I went through - despite his issues. despite everything. I wish him all the best- he is forgiven for any hurt he caused me, I pray for him when I think of him so I don't dwell in that place because the enemy likes to take me there. I pray that God heals his heart too the bits of it broken long before he met me. He was not a bad person - just a broken one - as we all are. I couldn't heal him any more than he couldn't heal me, we were not good for each other and we could not have healed in the same relationship.
I know I loved him, but loving someone sometimes means stepping away if you are not helping them. sometimes the most loving thing you can do in your relationship is call time on it. ( Marriages are different in scripture I should point out - BUT you shouldn't stay with an abuser under any circumstances, married or not ). and if you are reading this the man I once hoped would be my 'future husband' know this I don't blame you, as far as I am concerned you are forgiven - yet it is still completely over I have moved on, I hope for your next girlfriend and your actual future wife that you take the time to work on the stuff in your heart - the broken stuff from way back because that will be a greater blessing to your marriage than being able to say you married the first person you ever kissed or something like that.
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