The green eyed monster with auburn curls.

 I have always wanted curly hair -auburn curly hair. 

I mean really really wanted hair that would naturally curl in any way shape or form. curly hair has always fascinated me mostly because I have never had it. If I curl my hair with tongues my hair it lasts all of 15 minutes as in by the time you have curled one side the other would have dropped within the hour its pretty much straight again but lanky.  There is only one way I can get my hair to curl for more than about 5 minutes that is to twist it up wet with mousse and sleep in it.

It sounds really petty and stupid but I have always wanted auburn curly hair. I am not someone who puts much stock in my appearance I don't wear make up or anything like that  because i firmly believe if I am going to spend money on how i look it is better spent in moisturiser and cleanser than foundation. Also it says in the bible God took time over making us in his image and making us beautiful (psalm 139)    It kind of feels like if I dyed my hair or had it permed then I would be throwing it in his face. Some people might say its where our free will comes in and with that I agree, that if you want to style what god has given you then why not that is where i sit on my body but clearly each to their own.

When I curl my hair in the twisty way I look like miss 1987. It doesn't look good and I wonder why I did it because it is uncomfortable to sleep in and because it looks bad 2-5 hours later lanky kinks are the order of the day. So why do I do it? because I am envious of people with beautiful curls because I want to have curls like Taylor swift not like Dedire from Corrie and because we always want what we can't have and when we have it we aren't satisfied with it that is human nature

I read an atricle this week about how facebook perpetuates envy  which was linked on facebook by a friend of mine

why checking facebook makes us feel bad about ourselves

We are so easily envious in our society. I find it very difficult not to be envious of people who have what I want in life not just auburn curls but more serious things like people who are engaged or have children. I am envious each time it comes up in the top corner Jane bloggs just got engaged or Joe bloggs is in a relationship...  Gemma Smith was born with pictures from her parents one of whom who I knew vaguely at school or university.

Envy is not a fruit of the spirit. It is sinful, because it tells god that we don't like how he has blessed us and we want to perpetuate the kingdom of me. its the siren call of the world look what you are missing out on it doesn't see how God has blessed us. Just that he isn't doing in the way he is others. Thing is we can't control God just know he is soverign and that he loves us, gratitude trumps Envy every time...

The longest two letter word in the English language.

IF

I don't quite know how two letters can say so much. If is the longest two letter word in the english language because it changes everything.One word can create hope, fear, enlightenment, anxiety... every emotion in the english language can be created by this one word. 

Betsy ten boom said ' there are no ifs in God's kingdom.' 

but in this messy world can we really believe that? if we have free will surely there are so many ways life can go. But what actually happens that is up to us, but once something is done its done do we really believe is an alternative. God is all knowing all powerful but we do get choice. He just knows what we will choose.

We all do it though, get hung up on the alternative life plan. The one that never happened, the guy we never kissed the path not taken. Is If our way of saying that we are unhappy with our current circumstances or that we are so aware of the failiblity of our decisions.

I don't think there is a place for us to wallow in the might have been in the coulda woulda shoulda that life throws at us because it stops us from thinking of the now and living in the moment. we are not those people. We make the choices we make with what we know being who we are.  we have to live with our choices, whatever they are good or bad.

If you read too much sci fi and watch too much Fringe then the idea of a parallel universe is appealing the one where Hitler won the war or you took the train. but reality is what is here and now (for the benefit of Dotterelly et al) what you percieve is by definition your reality ( with or without unicorns).

So its time to give up IF to consign the coulda woulda shoulda to writers who write fiction, if has no place in our reality because it distracts us from the now.

Allie-G's

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a turtle named Hope and a self portrait.

I am back drawing again!

For best part of three weeks I just couldn't draw I have really been struggling. Often I see images when I read bible passages. that is what inspires me but the last few weeks I have consistently drawn a blank, almost literally. Its been a heavy going three weeks but finally we have some drawings. I am hoping the biblical imagery will follow!

 A Turtle Called Hope

So imagine my delight when I put pencil to paper and a turtle appears ( water colour pencils.) I don't know what made me draw a turtle but I did. I love drawing beaches. they are lovely I've learnt you leave a gap between the sand and the sea and it looks like the foam of the surf.

A self portrait.

My last attempt looked a lot like Rachel from friends, not really sure about this one - the glasses are wonky and it still doesn't look like me perhaps we are getting better- although I doubt it. I think its because I am no good at observational artwork, I can't copy I never have been able to, writing or  pictures I just can't do it. Still its drawing which excites me!

Art work and Gifts.

I thank God often for my imagination for the fact I can draw things and write stories. I love to be creative. I couldn't think of a time when I didn't enjoy it. we all have different talents. Mine is not for observational artwork but the joy in drawing. and who knows one day I might be able to draw something really brilliant.