Choosing to see Beautiful.

I stood staring at my reflection wondering what I would look like if I were beautiful I mean really beautiful. I had a good idea because I have photos in which I vaguely look pretty and one or two where I might actually pass for Beautiful. But as I stared and stared I wondered also who got to make the rules and why did so many people tell me I was beautiful when I just can't see it. When I was a baby so many people used to stop the pram and tell my mother I was beautiful that my older brother genuinely thought that beauty was my name ( true story!). Either there is a conspiracy that everyone is trying to lie to me for a strange reason or perhaps I am somewhere beyond ' ok looking'.

If your immediate response to that is ' what is she talking about she is really beautiful! She hasn't seen my face' I would say thank you and politely suggest that we are in the same boat especially because I picked a blog picture I looked good in! You are probably equally not seeing your beauty ( I say that in love).

In the bible beauty is about the heart and how our heart is ( 1 peter 3:4) . In song of songs he calls us beautiful ( Sos 4:1) whilst this is true as it is scripture as is the fact that we are masterpieces of the Father I think we have allowed the world to warp our perception of beauty. Even for someone like me who actively shuns the image of perfection in the media and doesn't really mind about fashion at all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So perhaps we should take off the glasses of the world that have distorted it.

WE all know that out view of beauty is distorted - liposucked, airbrushed and thin. But no one is offering an alternative of how else to see beauty except perhaps a soap manufacturer and a few blogs. Beauty is seeing the craftsmanship its seeing the loving hand of a master craftsman.  But it is more than that knowing you are beautiful is part of your original design because we are all one of a kind God made us all uniquely beautiful.

I can see the beauty of God in people all the time some times it takes longer than others but I  always see it and its more than a nose or a hair style its how you smile its the way you speak to people its how you are uniquely you . But I can't always see it in myself. I am living in community at the moment and one of the lads frequently points out that ' You call everyone beautiful people,' and that is possibly true but I am sincere when I say it because I see the beauty in people in their appearance, their hearts and who they are but I don't know how I can therefore fail to see it in myself.

It is easier to label beauty as something other than yourself. It is easy to see what you lack to compare yourself to models and brides. I avoid mirrors as much as I can because I find it difficult to look at myself.  But I realised this week that to be honest I am not ok with that. I want to see my beauty not so I can be vain but because I want to walk in his master craftsmanship. I want to see how he made me beautiful.

It is a stronghold and a lie to think that I am not beautiful. It is a lie to believe that I lack beauty when I was crafted by the master and I am a masterpiece. Then I realised that it is a choice, I have to choose to see past all the weight I have gained to see past the spots and the Eczema on my face and see myself how God sees me. Perhaps that is the challenge to see ourselves how God sees us. As the beautiful carefully crafted masterpiece he so lovingly created. True beauty is in who you are as well as what you look like. It is beyond the map of your body but I think we have to learn to see the beauty in that map to see how my nose and ears and eyes were crafted. to see how lovely I am to love myself as he does and to see his beautiful unique masterpiece as Allie, 1 of 1. Beautiful.

Remember remeber

The fifth of november -gunpowder treason and plot.

So as a Brit abroad i have found myself explaining why we celebrate a  terrorist attack  which was prevented. We burn an effigy of the long dead terrorist and  set off explosives to show what didn't happen on the fifth of November 1605.
To be honest I love to celebrate bonfire night and the distinct lack of fireworks (here in the US ) feels disconcerting. The pilgrims  were fleeing England because of the same piece of legislation as the group of Catholic noble men wanting to bomb the king and parliament.  (Hampton court conference1604) one because they felt it allowed too much and one because it didn't go far enough. This is also where the king James Bible was commissioned.

The terrorists of 1605 had a group portrait made so it was easy to find them -rookie mistake. Guy Fawkes was caught red handed with the gunpowder.

To others cultures it may seem a little bit strange to celebrate a failed terrorist attack  but it is an integral part of who we are as a nation. Firstly that we do not negotiate with terrorists nor do we allow people to sway our political system by fear. Secondly that we have a monarchy and are not at the mercy of the Catholic interpretation of the gospel.  We are  a democratic but we have a queen whom is to prevent the disintegration of our culture and stand with our political system. (not what James I defined monarchy as). However  we  celebrate on the fifth of November who we are as a nation. It's quirky and slightly strange but it's ours.

We celebrate the fifth of November because it constitutes our freedom and  unbaised government. That is worth celebrating.

Remember remember the fifth of November gunpowder treason and plot...

Worthy

' Jesus is worth every penny I didn't earn.'. The preacher last night spoke those words and they pierced through my heart. He had been speaking about the worthiness of God and the two commandments that Jesus gives us.

For last couple of weeks I have lost sight of why I have come half way around the world because of a still small voice inside my head. I forgot how worthy God is- how worthy Jesus is. He is so worthy and worth it. I forgot that I would rather be in the centre of his will for my life than comfort of home.Why is he worthy that is the easy part he gave everything for me he loves me enough to die for me to conquer death and I am struggling to cope with being in a first world country where they are just taking the mick for the fact I am not american.

The truth is that Jesus is worth it all. Not just the stuff that happens but the stuff that didn't. He is worth every single penny I didn't earn. As I have said before on this Blog  I could have had many promising careers but God has given me this nomadic adventure instead ( gap year or Gap life? 07/14). I have an amazing degree from a Russell Group university in History. I have Qualifications enough to do so many things. I could have been anything I had set my heart on... My full course GCSEs were All As and A*s I have three Good A levels. I could have been earning well over £20,000 by now, I could have started have thinking about a mortgage. For some people that is what God asks of them and that is amazing but not what he has asked of me. He is worth the sacrifice always.

His way is worth it, It matters that he desires for us to be highly holy people. He is worth the alcohol I didn't drink, the drugs I never tried and the boys I didn't kiss. He is worth the opportunities I passed up and the outfits I never wore. He is worth the nights praying,every fasted meal and the choices my parents didn't like. He will be worth the Christmas I won't spend with my family. He is so worthy. I don't know How I could have lost sight of how worthy he is.

Worthy, worthy is the lamb.