For most people if you ask what their favourite day of the year is their answer would be their birthday. Course there would be others for whom it would be Christmas or another important date but for most it would be their birthday. I have never liked my birthday.
Its a strange thing to say and it is totally counter cultural but I don't like my birthday especially because of the presents. Now don't get me wrong I am really grateful and I am not putting down people who buy me things and I love them for it but I just don't like getting presents. Its not socially acceptable to say this and I sound like a total brat but its true on lots of levels I really dislike my birthday and presents. I am not saying I dislike birthdays in general because I don't I love other people's birthdays and buying them gifts but not my own. Which might sound hypocritical but its true and I will go on to explain it.
It started as a child when I didn't think I was worthy of what I wanted and because I had really low self esteem and for a while I had to share my birthday with my twin best friends who were in one case louder and the other more lovely than I was. Coupled with the fact that it is in the second week of September It was usually in the first couple of days back at school. I often got away with no one knowing it was my birthday at school except the people I loved.
That is the one redeeming feature of my birthday that people I love are around me or get in contact with me.
Although there is sincerity and love in birthday gifts I never felt it as a child or a teenager because well I now know gifts aren't my love language in fact they are the one language I can't get my head around (Gary Chapman the 5 love languages). Receiving gifts is not something which makes me automatically feel loved. It has taken me years to realise that although I really don't like getting presents I do feel the love and care that someone has taken choosing and buying for me especially when it shows that they really know me because then I know I am loved for who I am that is the bit that makes me feel loved not the gift itself. In other words I have learned how to enjoy it and take it in the spirit of what is given but it is not natural to me.
The social convention of gift giving is to me something our materialistically driven society is cultivating in us that we need to have things to feel loved and secure but its not the case. I am just not materialistic in that way - not that I am not materialistic because we all are to some extent but if our house got blown up with all my stuff in it the things I would mourn would be handwritten cards from my grandma or hoodies from things I have done. The other thing I would mourn are my affirmation books. Because words of affirmation are my love language closely followed by quality time. I would swap a pricey present for a piece of battered, stained card which said barely legibly "Allie I love you because you are....." or a 5 minute coffee chat in a heartbeat. I don't' think I am alone in that, but its not something you say to people or its ok to say aloud because you might be perceived as being ungrateful.
If you don't know what an affirmation book is then I will explain. I went on school retreat three times and at the end of it everyone was given a blank 'book' of sheets of A4 folded in half and stapled with your name on the front and each of your small group would write a message of what they liked about you, what made you you and that was beautiful. I did one of these for a friend of mine for her birthday this year wrote quotes and what made her an amazing friend. I wrote some of it on a train and when I told people what I was doing they thought it was lovely they thought that people stopped doing things like that at like 8. Children know how to express love in the way they receive it.
I think society tells us that we should really love our birthdays because of the presents and the cards and the stuff and having a day that is all about ME. It feeds this culture of materialism and selfcentredness. When you have a birthday often people ask what you got. I am guilty of this but wouldn't it be better to ask ( which is what I usually ask) did you have a good day.
It took me till I was 18 to realise that I don't love my birthday that it isn't a pleasant thing for me to be at the centre of attention. but my birthday isn't all bad because well its a excuse to eat chocolate cake and to see and speak to my friends something we don't do nearly enough. Its taken me the years since I turned 18 to realise that whilst I don't like my birthday because it stirs the selfishness and materialism around and in me God never designed birthdays to be about what you get God designed birthdays ( and this is a bit of a theological leap) to be about community because he designed us to function in community. My favourite parts of my birthday have always been the ones where I have met up with friends to have pizza or go to the cinema, family dinners and notes in my birthday cards.
So this week I officially become a year older than I was last week. This is who I am this is how I feel love I will not apologise for it. I am thankful God made me this way because well I love to be loved and I love to show love.This is one of the reasons I give my very closest friends hand drawn or made presents and cards because it shows at least 3 of the love languages (gifts, acts of service and affirmation) and because I have zero income at the moment. It is why I will post on facebook happy birthday because that takes time.
