Upcycle

I am really bad at throwing things away. I spend hours trying to do so with things, putting them in charity bags or in the bin, especially if they were a gift ( 6 years ago or something) another reason I am not so big a fan of presents I have a really really good memory and I can usually remember who got me it and I am like oh that was lovely but it went in a draw four Christmas' ago and I never actually used it but I love my friend/family member who got it me. Nightmare. The charity I have been donating to was the salvation army because they really make a difference to people here in my city and because they really understand the importance of the gospel, which takes away some of the anxiety thinking of the people who will be blessed by the gift I neglected.

But some things are worth looking at again sometimes throwing something out is not the right thing to do. Enter my favourite pair of jeans at uni. They got ripped in the crotch just before I sat my finals and I just put them in a box with loads of other rubbish. Jeans styles have changed since then - or at least the style I wear has changed - I converted from bootcut to straight or skinny jeans after I graduated- but here they were bootcut jeans from a few years back. I couldn't give a torn crotched pair of jeans to the charity shop and they still fit aside from the tear of course. So I dug out my sewing box and machine and made it into a skirt. to be honest I still had a leg's worth of denim left over and it only took 10 minutes.( I am really good a craft. I love upcycling.)  Bust instead of something I can't wear I now have a lovely new skirt. 

And it made me wonder about the experiences in our lives we mark as worthless because they were hard or difficult. I think the Lord is a fan of upcycling, of using experiences we are quick to dismiss as worthless and making them into something that is of use ( kind of like the blogging taking the mundane and making it worth reading). I am convinced that God doesn't ever want us to take anything bad or broken in our lives and not use it for the good of the kingdom( in his own way of course). After all we are told that all things will come for the good of those who love him but we are also told to take thoughts captive. If you take the natural confluence of these, the truth is that we need to make sure that we see the good in what has happened to us not just the difficulty see the skirt in the old pair of jeans. See how God has use for it even the worst things that have happened to me God has used some of the most disgusting and difficult times of my life this year for his good. Perhaps its about forgetting the old pair of jeans and seeing the material it is made of.

The Keel beneath

So I have been away again! To a big national Christian conference/festival for people in their 20s and 30s.  it was all rather exciting. At these kind of con-festivals there is usual a market place somewhere where charities organisations and places that sell stuff ( bibles worship CDs and the like) kind of congregate to show you in essence what is out there. They could have silly games like naming a llama to raise awareness of south america or moving beads with chopsticks to show mission work in China.

I was wandering around the stalls at the festivals then I saw a face I recognised. I couldn't quite work out where it was from so I took a stab in the dark and said Hello to the older gentleman on a ministry outreach stand
"Hi, did you go to - my local large church-?" I asked. We would go there Christmas eve and for events and things and I did youth club there.

He smiled and replied that he used to pastor the church nearest to it- the one that wasn't Anglican. Then I realised that he was the chairman of governors at my Junior school. I got my governors award when I was in year 6 and he presented it to me. I asked him if that was him and he said it was and asked me how long ago I was there we established I was ten years younger than his daughter so we wouldn't have been at school there together.

 We talked about the mission field he ended up in and what I was doing. I made a throw away comment -something I always say to people.

" I sail to his wind  - where he blows that is where I go."

I grew up near to the seaside and a naval base so I have seen a lot of boats and I have been on a few in my time. I love to think of the world as our ocean and setting my course to his wind. I see so many people running on a motor boat or worse a jet ski ( one that sprays water in the faces of those around them) going under their own steam in whatever direction they please. Some who have got rid of the engine have taken to having one paddle and are going around in ciricles their sails in tatters. I like the analagy it makes me smile and think of where I grew up.

However he challenged it.

"If you sail by his wind what then is your keel?" He asked me.

I was stumped - I know my bow form my stern and even at a push port from starboard ( P comes before S as L comes before R) I can even tie one or two of the knots if I really think about it. But aside from 'Keel over' I had no clue what a keel was.

Apparently a keel is a counter balance under the boat which balances the forces keeping the boat on the water because well if it was just the sails the boat would be really unstable and fall into the water.

"The word of God has to be your Keel. If his Spirit is the wind."

"and obedience is the rudder." I added. " Jesus is on the rudder showing me how to be obedient."

It is a beautiful picture ( so I had to paint it! even though I haven't painted in ages.). I am glad that God was there in that moment to show me through someone who had fit into my past that I was going right. I struggle to read God's word and I love reading - I know its important but often I just skip it. I love it when I am reading it and I often get pictures and all sorts of things. I guess that is part of spiritual warfare.  But the most important part of the picture for me was that I was not alone in the boat. that I was doing life with Jesus. Whichever flotilla I end up in, whatever part of the ocean I am his and he is mine.

Sung Prayers

At church this week I was struck by one of the worship songs we sang. I haven't been back to the church I grew up in for  a few months. It was planted on the day I was born ( I was born on a Sunday over twenty years ago) they sing different things than I am used to now. Not because they are stuck in the past  but because the worship leaders like to mix the songs we have always sung in with some new ones but they as  a tiny church in a community centre tend to favour the more acoustic over the power worship music we have these days. Also the congregation is on average a little older so they are less likely to follow the new stuff but not so old that they are in hymns ancient and modern. The service is different and it often ends saying to grace to each other making eye contact with everyone during it.

As a child I always sang loudly but I would always sing with all my heart even as a teenager. I had a few favourites and I would sing it not really minding to the words but as I sung this on Sunday I was reminded that if your heart is in what comes out of your mouth as you sing to him God will take it as a prayer. I was struck how much God had answered the prayer of a child who just wanted to sing with all her heart the dancing song. Now of course it is pretty much my prayer - as you can tell by my previous blog post! ( I am trying to post one ahead so that I can be on top of this.... so I wrote that one Friday and Saturday...)

Anyway this is the song:

Teach me to dance to the beat of your heart
Teach me to move in the power of your Spirit
Teach me to walk in the light of your presence
Teach me to dance to the beat of your heart

Teach me to love with your heart of compassion
Teach me to trust in the word of your promise
Teach me to hope in the day of your coming
Teach me to dance to the beat of your heart 

You wrote the rhythm of life
Created heaven and earth
In You is joy without measure
So, like a child in your sight
I dance to see your delight
For I was made for your pleasure
Pleasure

Let all my movements express

A heart that loves to say 'yes'
A will that leaps to obey you

Let all my energy blaze
To see the joy in your face
Let my whole being praise you
Praise you 
Graham Kendrick 
Copyright © 1993 Make Way Music, 
www.grahamkendrick.co.uk

The path unchosen.

Have you ever been seconded. that moment where you have been told to move somewhere or do something you are not sure you want to go to. Its all part of following Jesus right? in this life you will have trouble... I only do what I see my father doing....

Whilst I was at the Christian conference I was told to move to a team that I would not have chosen for myself and yet God met me in a profound way that I couldn't have  even comprehended. I guess that the life that is chosen is the preserve of the sinful after all sin is saying No to God's plan and choosing your own way or method. I have no qualms about living this life unchosen the  narrow path through trust and patience.

I have been thinking about the future a lot recently and also how I got to the place I have and what God has been teaching me along the way.  I suppose that once you choose to surrender your life to Christ it means that is a path chosen but I don't think this is the life I would have chosen for myself.  Walking in this wild goose chase could lead me anywhere. This year as a set text for the course I was on they chose James Bryan Smith's 'A good and beautiful God.' it really challenged me especially on the topic of spiritual discipline. So I bought the second book in the series A good and beautiful life. The first chapter it tells you to write a letter to god starting with the line ' the life I want most for myself is..."  Which as much as I love the previous book and the chapter I am not sure is right. maybe I am being pernickity but surely it should be the life I hope most for myself is... however after much thought and deliberation I felt i should play by the rules of the book.

I feel I should share the letter I wrote. mostly because I want to challenge you and because it speaks of his faithfulness his choosing to deny me my desires for a greater design and purpose.

16th August 2014

Dear God ,
       The life I want most for myself is, one where I dance to your song and drumbeat. where I sing only the song of obedience to my king. 

I want to laugh like it is going out of fashion and love consumingly. to sail by your spirit through the waters of this world.under the banner of your grace, love and freedom. 

I could tell you all I desire to achieve and know it before I speak it  but what once I considered as gain I now count as loss for the sake of your glory.  You require this sacrifice of praise and a contrite heart with open hands. 

You lord have ruined me for the ordinary where once I desired a simple life with a steady job  you've bestowed a nomadic adventure. I desired comfort and you required faith yet gave me a peace  in the places that comfort couldn't quench. I wanted normal but you chose extravagance for me. I desired world riches but you gave me people to serve and invest in and I have lacked for nothing. 

I'd chosen Education to have qualifications, but you qualified me and taught me how to serve in a way that is  teachable. I wanted to win and be the top and you gave me victory over strongholds and taught me humility. I desired to be a woman of many impressive gifts and talents, but you gave me of yourself  extravagant gifts that were meant to bless others. I yearned to be selected to be above but you chose and purposed me before my heart beat. I desired to be confident but in you I have all confidence.

I desired to be married, romanced by a man a Romeo of lovely words and devoted love whom I could give the whole of my heart to but you restored my image of marriage as a covenant partnership by wedding me to your heart before I was born. Choosing sacrificial love for me and dying so that I may be yours. You required my heart in its entirety  to love and to be broken for injustice. for unless you have both the earthly bride and the groom's hearts how can we run the race together towards you. You showed me that it was not enough to love each other but to be wholly in love with you  that mattered. So I choose to wait for a man who is wholly and recklessly abandoned to loving you and following you no matter the cost and no matter the route. 

I desired for a family and you have given me communities. I desired to be loved and you defined and displayed it to me and asked me to love where the world had neglected.  

I wanted it all now and you showed me how to be patient. I wanted to see revival in our nation instead you began in my heart. 

My life has not conformed to my desires and maybe some days I cling onto my broken bucket list and shattered dreams and wave them at you with one hand and cling to you with the other. but the truth is I would never swap my character for my way, nor would I swap my pride for confidence in you. I'd no even swap assured security for trust because the truth is I chose you over my desires  your way over mine. Whatever that means and wherever it takes me - no plan B, no opt out through hardship and joy. I'm on this wild goose chase adventure and that is all I want for my life and myself.  

Your Allie.