Choosing to see Beautiful.

I stood staring at my reflection wondering what I would look like if I were beautiful I mean really beautiful. I had a good idea because I have photos in which I vaguely look pretty and one or two where I might actually pass for Beautiful. But as I stared and stared I wondered also who got to make the rules and why did so many people tell me I was beautiful when I just can't see it. When I was a baby so many people used to stop the pram and tell my mother I was beautiful that my older brother genuinely thought that beauty was my name ( true story!). Either there is a conspiracy that everyone is trying to lie to me for a strange reason or perhaps I am somewhere beyond ' ok looking'.

If your immediate response to that is ' what is she talking about she is really beautiful! She hasn't seen my face' I would say thank you and politely suggest that we are in the same boat especially because I picked a blog picture I looked good in! You are probably equally not seeing your beauty ( I say that in love).

In the bible beauty is about the heart and how our heart is ( 1 peter 3:4) . In song of songs he calls us beautiful ( Sos 4:1) whilst this is true as it is scripture as is the fact that we are masterpieces of the Father I think we have allowed the world to warp our perception of beauty. Even for someone like me who actively shuns the image of perfection in the media and doesn't really mind about fashion at all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So perhaps we should take off the glasses of the world that have distorted it.

WE all know that out view of beauty is distorted - liposucked, airbrushed and thin. But no one is offering an alternative of how else to see beauty except perhaps a soap manufacturer and a few blogs. Beauty is seeing the craftsmanship its seeing the loving hand of a master craftsman.  But it is more than that knowing you are beautiful is part of your original design because we are all one of a kind God made us all uniquely beautiful.

I can see the beauty of God in people all the time some times it takes longer than others but I  always see it and its more than a nose or a hair style its how you smile its the way you speak to people its how you are uniquely you . But I can't always see it in myself. I am living in community at the moment and one of the lads frequently points out that ' You call everyone beautiful people,' and that is possibly true but I am sincere when I say it because I see the beauty in people in their appearance, their hearts and who they are but I don't know how I can therefore fail to see it in myself.

It is easier to label beauty as something other than yourself. It is easy to see what you lack to compare yourself to models and brides. I avoid mirrors as much as I can because I find it difficult to look at myself.  But I realised this week that to be honest I am not ok with that. I want to see my beauty not so I can be vain but because I want to walk in his master craftsmanship. I want to see how he made me beautiful.

It is a stronghold and a lie to think that I am not beautiful. It is a lie to believe that I lack beauty when I was crafted by the master and I am a masterpiece. Then I realised that it is a choice, I have to choose to see past all the weight I have gained to see past the spots and the Eczema on my face and see myself how God sees me. Perhaps that is the challenge to see ourselves how God sees us. As the beautiful carefully crafted masterpiece he so lovingly created. True beauty is in who you are as well as what you look like. It is beyond the map of your body but I think we have to learn to see the beauty in that map to see how my nose and ears and eyes were crafted. to see how lovely I am to love myself as he does and to see his beautiful unique masterpiece as Allie, 1 of 1. Beautiful.

Remember remeber

The fifth of november -gunpowder treason and plot.

So as a Brit abroad i have found myself explaining why we celebrate a  terrorist attack  which was prevented. We burn an effigy of the long dead terrorist and  set off explosives to show what didn't happen on the fifth of November 1605.
To be honest I love to celebrate bonfire night and the distinct lack of fireworks (here in the US ) feels disconcerting. The pilgrims  were fleeing England because of the same piece of legislation as the group of Catholic noble men wanting to bomb the king and parliament.  (Hampton court conference1604) one because they felt it allowed too much and one because it didn't go far enough. This is also where the king James Bible was commissioned.

The terrorists of 1605 had a group portrait made so it was easy to find them -rookie mistake. Guy Fawkes was caught red handed with the gunpowder.

To others cultures it may seem a little bit strange to celebrate a failed terrorist attack  but it is an integral part of who we are as a nation. Firstly that we do not negotiate with terrorists nor do we allow people to sway our political system by fear. Secondly that we have a monarchy and are not at the mercy of the Catholic interpretation of the gospel.  We are  a democratic but we have a queen whom is to prevent the disintegration of our culture and stand with our political system. (not what James I defined monarchy as). However  we  celebrate on the fifth of November who we are as a nation. It's quirky and slightly strange but it's ours.

We celebrate the fifth of November because it constitutes our freedom and  unbaised government. That is worth celebrating.

Remember remember the fifth of November gunpowder treason and plot...

Worthy

' Jesus is worth every penny I didn't earn.'. The preacher last night spoke those words and they pierced through my heart. He had been speaking about the worthiness of God and the two commandments that Jesus gives us.

For last couple of weeks I have lost sight of why I have come half way around the world because of a still small voice inside my head. I forgot how worthy God is- how worthy Jesus is. He is so worthy and worth it. I forgot that I would rather be in the centre of his will for my life than comfort of home.Why is he worthy that is the easy part he gave everything for me he loves me enough to die for me to conquer death and I am struggling to cope with being in a first world country where they are just taking the mick for the fact I am not american.

The truth is that Jesus is worth it all. Not just the stuff that happens but the stuff that didn't. He is worth every single penny I didn't earn. As I have said before on this Blog  I could have had many promising careers but God has given me this nomadic adventure instead ( gap year or Gap life? 07/14). I have an amazing degree from a Russell Group university in History. I have Qualifications enough to do so many things. I could have been anything I had set my heart on... My full course GCSEs were All As and A*s I have three Good A levels. I could have been earning well over £20,000 by now, I could have started have thinking about a mortgage. For some people that is what God asks of them and that is amazing but not what he has asked of me. He is worth the sacrifice always.

His way is worth it, It matters that he desires for us to be highly holy people. He is worth the alcohol I didn't drink, the drugs I never tried and the boys I didn't kiss. He is worth the opportunities I passed up and the outfits I never wore. He is worth the nights praying,every fasted meal and the choices my parents didn't like. He will be worth the Christmas I won't spend with my family. He is so worthy. I don't know How I could have lost sight of how worthy he is.

Worthy, worthy is the lamb.

Encounters with the messiah: Jesus calms the storm

This week I was challenged to meditate on scripture more and something many people have  challenged me on over the years and obviously sometimes I draw pictures when God speaks to me on a scripture but other times I, being a writer imagine myself in the scene. I may try to do a series here on encounters with the messiah.

This is Jesus calming the storm ( Mark 4:35-41, Matthew 8:23-27, Luke 8:22-25 ). In my artistic liscence I have decided that the boat belonged to Peter's Family and the story is told from one of the young hired hands.

One stormy night.
I can't say I ever thought that I of all people would meet the messiah. I had been thrown out of school mostly because of a failure to pay attention not long after my bar mitzvah. The priests were strict and anyway no one from my background had ever gotten too far to be a Rabbi. I began working for my uncle who had two sons Simon and Andrew. They were a few years older than I was. I was there that day when the rabbi came and asked the brothers to follow him. No rabbi asks the fishermen but this one did.

A few months later the vessel I had been working had been commandeered by the masters son for his Rabbi. I had only met the man that once. Simon's father had a lot of boats all across the sea of Galilee. We sailed perhaps half a furlong before he curled up to sleep, he looked so at peace. The rest of us took some time together on the deck He had twelve followers so there were around fifteen of us men the some of the crowd had got into boats too. John and James looked uneasy, as suddenly the sky began to darken and the water stirred. I had sailed long enough to know that there was a storm brewing. We began to make haste on the sails and get the boat ready but then the wave pulled the boat starboard side. Judas one of the disciples was sick over the side as we were pulled towards the stern I had never seen the sea so vicious.
I looked over at the Rabbi as I was pulled backwards towards him asleep in the stern. he still had that complete look of peace over his face. I didn't expect the pitch port ward and I reached for a rope to pull the sails in to stop them from being torn to shreds. a wave crested over the bow of the ship drenching Simon and a couple of the disciples who were holding onto the side of the boat. Once again the ship lurched towards to bow and I wondered if we would survive this one. I didn't know how to swim - it wasn't proper for a Jewish man to neither Simon nor Andrew did either.
The wave that crashed over the starboard side added half an inch of water to the bottom of the boat. The squall was loud and with each wave the boat filled more and more with water. The wind was so high I could barely feel my fingers.

I knew that Rebecca the girl I had promised myself too and my aunt would loose both her sons today. I prayed inside my head that God would show mercy on us.

"what do we do?" Matthew shouted over the waves to the others as the lighting hit the beach and the thunder roared above us. The boat lurched once more causing a wave in the water flooding our feet.before Thomas looked at the Rabbi asleep at the back of the boat.
" Wake him - he always knows what to do." Thomas said quickly. James son of Alpheus agreed and made his way towards the teacher.
I had heard the stories he had turned water into wine, he had healed the sick and cured the lame and his teachings were with such power and authority I wondered whether he was merely a Rabbi or a prophet also. Finally he got to the Rabbi and woke him.
" master, Master we are going to drown!" James son of Alpheus said as Judas was sick again over the side.
The rabbi got up and rebuked the waves and wind and suddenly all was calm again.
"Where is your faith?!" he asked the disciples.
I couldn't believe what I had seen this man had calmed the storm with one word and all I could wonder was who is this man that even the wind and the waves obey him. Which was what Jonah one of the other fishermen asked me afterwards but something in me knew that this was the man we were waiting for our messiah.

Its time to raise your colours.

 Brothers and sisters in Christ we are at War.

I have talked about spiritual warfare before ( all's fair ) but like most things as I grow closer to understanding more about Jesus I have learned more about the truth of it. We are deeply intrenched in spiritual warfare. 

I should point out that it is the difference between the landing at D-day when the allied troops fought the decisive battle of WW2 and won on the beaches of normandy and the VE day when hitler was finally defeated. The cross was the decisive battle in this war. Jesus made the breakthrough that meant that we have won the war but  the VE Day- victory on Earth day- has not come so we are fighting as the kingdom of God advances to wipe out the kingdom of this world and its darkness. 

I am not someone who fixates on the end times. I mean I have read revelation and I have read the bible but I haven't really made any effort to really take a note of it all. C.S Lewis said that there are two equal and opposite mistakes to make when it comes to the devil one is to fixate on him and give him more attention than he is due and the other is to totally discount him as a fictional part of the imagination of men. Both he delights in. Here is the truth in perspective to God tall mighty and strong  the devil is merely a mosquito by comparison but we need to know his strategy so we may prepare ourselves to fight against him. 

In medieval times we would have a standard barer to show the colours and the standard of the two countries/armies fighting each other. England is the Lion. We have our own lion on our standard - the lion of Judah and the lamb who was slain. I therefore encourage you brothers and sisters to raise your colours and your standards. Passivity is a sin. We do not have a passive God - if you haven't experienced the warfare you are doing something wrong. We are not called to a life of comfort. Jesus told us we would have trouble. We are called to be content and to take every thought captive. 

Here are some notes for the beginners of understanding spiritual warfare.

If you didn't know it your mind is not your own - When in Matthew 4 Jesus is tempted in the desert the enemy uses his imagination and his mind to trick him. There is no reason to think that your thoughts are always entirely your own. Some are yours, some are from God some are your conscience, some are the enemy and some are people around you. if you can't pinpoint a thought Go to an unexplained negative feeling then backtrack to the thought that produced it. Take those thoughts captive!

Declare over yourself truth. - this is important the enemy loves it when we are uncertain as he is the father of lies. he likes to give you a half truth ' if you really are the son of God.'...'did not god say you could eat of any of the fruit...' The enemy will twist things. If you speak truth (scripture and God's character) over the situation he will flee. 

Repent - for the kingdom of heaven is close at hand. The enemy has nothing on true repentance- turning your life in the opposite direction and following Christ. The kingdom of heaven is here we live in the overlap of this present evil age and the kingdom of Heaven which is to come. 

you are not fighting flesh and blood but powers and principalities ( Ephesians 6) people may be evil but they are children of God who haven't accepted his adoption. There are no spiritual foster children to God you are either accepting of the fact that you are adopted into his family or you are not and are spiritually orphaning yourself. To come into his house you have to take his name and live by his rules as he lavishes his love on you. you can't just live in his house but remain a slave to your sin. His house is one of family and home its not a half way house its home. 

You have all authority in Christ Jesus. In the gospels he tells you that you have it. Honestly (this isn't in the bible) but I think we have ranks when it comes to fighting the enemy. By that I mean that as we grow in experience and closer to him he gives us a better understanding of our authority and power so we move up and for some people he has given more jurisdiction in different places. It is to do with which gifts ( it says in 1 Corinthians 12 all those who are baptised of the spirit have gifts) he has given us and the confidence and experience we have more than anything earned.  It should always be the case that if you are in over your head backup is needed we are a team and we fight together.

Remember Satan's end game is your destruction and death and the Lords is your prosperity and life. God is true and the truth of his character and love shines from his word ( that is always the measure of what is and isn't his voice) and Satan is the father of all lies. Therefore keep watch but raise your colours for your eternal king and his Kingdom.  

Migraine - the reality of the headache that isn't a headache.

So I have never talked about an awareness week before but this is something that I really feel that people don't understand.This week is Migraine awareness week (7th-13th September)

I get migraines I get the severe kind, and when I am lucky I get the less severe kind. Migraines are not just bad headaches they are something totally different. I have been having them since I was a child, two years or so ago I was getting them nigh constantly and I just couldn't function so I now take medication for them. Yes I believe that Jesus can heal them and I constantly go for prayer - he is healer. But I am yet to see healing. What I do know is that unless you have experienced a bad migraine it is often the case that you consider a bad headache one. It is more than that. So I feel I should share an experience of severe migraine from someone who really knows what severe migraine is like. I am a writer and it is migraine awareness week so here goes.

Severe Migraine 

It strikes me unexpectedly in the middle of a moment that was ordinary. I was enjoying that moment that glorious calm of glorious Sunday afternoon. A wave of dizziness gushes through my body and suddenly I feel sick. Not the kind of sick when my less than tactful friends discuss toilet humour whilst eating chocolate cake but the real kind- the home from school, bleach inducing sick. Then the lightning strikes those bright lights that have no source or plug jaggedly across my vision. I want to sit or lie but the nausea stirs so I opt to sit on the throne and nothing happens except that gyroscope of balance I feel dizzy now the kind of dizzy no one can explain as if I am sailing on a ship without water. Then the ship's horn blasts that ringing in my ears that moment I know what is next.

As if to confirm my suspicion I can feel it in the left side the headache that isn't a headache that familiar stab of pain. Migraine. I stagger through the day trying to hold up the façade of normality. I am a strong woman I can do this I can.... until I can bear it no longer and even my phone screen is just to bright to look at. I succumb to the medication: the codeine that I know is not good for me mixed with paracetamol and the anti nausea stuff. I wonder if the tablets I am faithfully taking have toned this down but I know that it doesn't matter because I know the drill I know my pain threshold has been reached and I turn off the now too bright lights and sit until the nausea and pain would subside enough to lie down. I feel those pins and needles the ones that tell me this is a dangerous migraine course through my body either the right or left hand side I am too tired to know and in too much pain to care. It's just this hand and that hand now. I try to think because I have nothing left but thinking, but I can't not with the intermittent blaring and the lightening. I can feel him now that sumo wrestler pinning me to the chair to the bed I am not even sure what I am sitting on as I have closed my eyes and memory is for someone else. I concentrate on breathing and wondering if this time it will be over soon. 

Time passes unending and unyielding to anything except this migraine.

More time just being in pain being migraine.

More and more time and the frustration kicks into the pit of my stomach 

Time again more time unending pain and lights show with intermittent statistic in my ears the tingling and pins and needles.  

I am stuck here - pinned as a butterfly waiting for that moment when the intensity backs off.

There is no way of knowing what time is passing finally the medication I took starts to kick in and I thank Jesus for it. I know its probably been minutes but I couldn't know more than that.

As I am able to form a thought or two I think over what I should be doing right now. Not that I can move or think without really trying or anything. the pain in my skull is unbearable and the pins and needles feel strange on my skin in my face in my body down to my leg lopsided. I wonder in the darkness if this is what a stroke feels like then if I was having a stroke would I know. My mind wanderers to the lights show behind my eyelids. 

Time passes

Hours pass - days sometimes. my phone sounds too loud and I know its my life calling or my mother- where are you? and I equally know that I cannot answer it as it would require movement. The noise is louder than usual and it pierces my ear. I feel the relief when it stops. 

I ride out the storm in too much pain to form any more than small and abstract notions - pre thoughts. Until it begins to subside and all I can hear is the feint hum of the fridge or the bark of a neighbours dog and it doesn't hurt. The lightening has gone and the headache settles across my head it is bearable now in that moment exhausted and relieved I fall into the open arms of sleep and wake. I still feel exhausted but hunger has over taken it and the need to find the bathroom. My alarm clock says 5 am and I calculate the hours I have been out of it. I drink a pint of water and eat a little toast wondering what I missed. I take my pills and wonder if I ate the wrong thing or if it was just one of those random ones, before going back to sleep and facing a groggy day.

The C word that no one really wants to talk about: Chastity.

Chastity. ( Long and slightly controversial post warning) 

Often people use Chastity and celibacy interchangeably and actually they mean something subtly but crucially different. To my understanding at least ( and the dictionary), Celibacy is the choice that you won't ever get married (or have sex) - it is also often thought of as a gift of the spirit. On the other hand chastity is the choice to wait until you get married for sex ( with only your spouse). By definition all  who are celibate are chaste but not all who are chaste are celibate. I thought I would clear up that definition before we waded into this controversial topic.

Chastity is kind of a dirty word in the modern world. Even in some Christian circles! Waiting is not cool nor is it liberal and neither is it what anyone really wants to do. Even if it is waiting until you are engaged; very few people of my generation will marry as virgins or marry virgins even Christians.People often put it down to hormones and yes hormones are powerful but you are bigger than your hormones. You have control over your body whether you like it or not! You are responsible for your actions as I am responsible for mine.

 I was in a seminar on homosexuality at a national Christian conference ( again one controversial topic at a time) but he gave a really valid point which was something that we often use to point the finger at homosexual people saying to them 'you have broken sexuality' when the truth is we all have a broken sexuality straight or gay - because we are broken people. ... I'm not just talking fifty shades of nasty, this is even true in biblical times for example the polygamy of Jacob( again one controversial topic at a time). I am talking about no matter what you think your sexuality is not pure it has been polluted by the fallen world we live in -but neither is it something you should feel ashamed of or be made to feel ashamed of because ultimately it is from God and it was a gift and Satan likes to make us ashamed of our gifts. Moreover, its one of those gifts that has a context like a combo ice and roller skate( detachable skate section) . How you use it and how it looks differ with the season.

Anyway then the guy running the seminar did an interesting straw poll. He told everyone in the room whose youth leader told them 'to wait until you got married to have sex' to put their hand up and around 90% of the packed cowshed put their hand up then he asked for you to keep your hand up if they told you why. and there were around two people with their hands left up.  He then explained that no one keeps a rule that they don't understand. which is true. No one thought to tell us why and if our generation don't know why then unless we sought it out, then are we giving those younger than us the right impression, many of the people in the cow shed were older than me so did they role model us the wrong impression - not that its their fault either if well the generation before.... you get the picture. Here is me breaking the cycle. Because if we don't understand it we are less likely to keep it but because when our friends question it ( and they still question it into your twenties) you will be able to give them an answer more than saying something you don't actually think like -' I just want my spouse to be the first' as I did before I finally understood it this year.

Since I was a teenager I have been thinking about this question and reading the bible on the subject- Why wait?- more so since I became single two and a half years ago.I thought I would share with you some reasons why Chastity is asked of us as Christians and myth busting some common replies and excuses both ways and actually getting to the bottom of why wait?

I am not talking about the skirting around the subject; rubbish that I was palmed off with ' what a lovely gift for your husband'... ' its just what good girls do'... the real reasons. It is time for us to know them and be able to explain them. I also should point out something - as Christians we should not just blindly accept anything given to us we should be looking for ourselves and having the debate, drawing our own conclusions about things. Praying for God to renew our minds on the topic. So here is some of my research- you can take or leave....

One Flesh ( the important part that they didn't tell us.) The actual reason that God invented sex.

So many people will tell you that God invented sex for marriage but they don't tell you why. The evidence of God creating sex was before the fall it was at the end of God creating the garden of Eden and came with the creation of eve. Therefore sex was created before the fall so in and of itself it is not a shameful thing because shame comes with the fall. Newsflash this means that God made Sex and  it is a good thing that God created. But in what context well the bible talks about one flesh.

 and that is why a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they shall become One Flesh Genesis 2:24

 ' and they shall become one flesh' What does that even mean? and they shall become one flesh ( cue spice girls two become one....) the beast with two backs? Hardly it is about penetrative intimacy but its more than that. Sex was designed to grow an intimate union between a husband and wife. Because it was not good for Adam to be alone, God created Eve. Husband and wife will be united and they will be one flesh as if there were no distinction between them physically, spiritually and emotionally. 

This creates soul ties. Soul ties are spiritual bonded connections and ties between two people and they are really really strong the bible uses various terms to describe them often knit together or in this case one flesh and they are not exclusive to sexual relationship. However, they are always present in sexual relationships because of their intimate nature. Sexual Soul ties are really hard to break and they will keep drawing them back to you emotionally, spiritually, physically whether you want them to or not. (Sexual) soul ties are real and they are painful if not made in a loving supportive environment like marriage. Truth is God invented sex to build us up in marriage ( its there in the verse). In marriage you make a covenant commitment to each other and to God, that is heavy and important stuff. so what God designed to be mutually strengthening in the context of that commitment, it makes sense for that to bereally very powerful. [As an aside if you believe you have ones not of marriage pray about it and ask that the Lord break them by his Holy Spirit. and if you are still not sure get someone of the same gender who is experienced in prayer ministry in the power of the holy spirit to help you.]

The Ten Commandments - thou shalt not commit adultery

Now this makes sense. After all the ten commandments were to show an enslaved nation how to live well. Adultery means any sex outside marriage. If God created sex for marriage because of the whole soul ties bonding in the context of covenant commitment, It does make sense that his best isn't to create bonds with people who aren't the person you made the commitment to.

Its a nice/good thing to do- what kind of a present will it be to your husband if you give him this lovely gift on your wedding night.

That is selling sex short and if you tell a teenager not to do something they'll probably do it and most teenagers struggle to see beyond the now in this area unless they know the why. If they know why then the behaviour tends to follow. The other thing is sadly most people  in church know they probably won't marry a virgin. Also in my experience they will hear many testimonies of converts talk about them sleeping around before they were saved but still no one explains to a churched teenager why. It kind of seems like double standards. Also because we live in a sexualized culture we have expectations for sex which come from Hollywood which tell us a fairytale view that no two virgins are likely to get. Because that takes practise,in reality its the learning together that is the joy of it - no matter your experience or so I am told.

STDs

I was only told one reason to the question why wait and it was at school of all places - I went to a Catholic school. I was definitely told, if not in so many words, that those who sleep around get STDs which by definition is on the whole true, but so do virgins who sleep with people who have STDs ( think of the AIDs crisis in Africa and the false view that sleeping with a virgin will 'cure you'). STDs exist and they are no reason not to sleep with someone- actually they are every reason not to sleep with someone if you think they have them- that is just common sense. But the fear of contracting STDs is  not a valid excuse because it is a fear and fear is not of God. Marriage does not prevent them;  Mrs Beaton ( the first ever Mary Berry) died from Syphilis she caught off her husband's pre marital liaisons with prostitutes. In a teenage mind choosing chastity so as to not catch  STDs or even that it is the best contraception ever is no excuse to wait especially if you know that your partner is a virgin too.and of course there is the old 'it will never happen to us'. I should point out that STDs are not God's best for us. Any bad physical consequence ( including unwanted pregnancy) is not God's best for us although he will make for good all circumstances because he knows and loves us enough to know our choices and planned his children accordingly.

No one will buy the cow if they are getting the milk for free... you have to take a test drive.

I have put these two together because they are equally and oppositely untrue. I know plenty of now married people ( including Christians) who have and plenty who haven't all based on their moral compass and/or study of the bible. It's not true that if he sleeps with you now he won't want to marry you and that if you don't you will be stuck with awful sex if you don't try it out. You can gauge your attraction to someone fully clothed - everyone knows that - even teenagers fawning over celebrities. Because here is something no one tells you except if you ask; then many married couples will tell you- Love is a choice, it has nothing to do with sex it is a choice and a commitment. Sex is about expressing that love and commitment. But sex can make you think you are in love when you are not - it comes down to those soul ties again. Personally I am of the view that intimate relationships should be emotionally intimate first then this confusion doesn't happen you should be able to bear your souls to each other before your bodies. I have gained a lot of opinion on this topic ( as you may gather!) and someone said that they would encourage any young person to have a deeply emotionally accountable relationship (friendship) with someone of the same sex before they think about looking to marry. I think it is good advice, also it is healthy to have good close friends who keep you accountable whatever your life stage.

Hedonism why not to wait... the world's view

Our  peers and culture are telling us that sex = empowerment and pleasure that nothing else can match. The pursuit of pleasure is called Hedonism.

Hedonism is a tiger and temptation in this area is just like any other kind of temptation, actually Hedonism is more than a temptation its an idol it puts pleasure and self satisfaction at the centre of your life.  How can we believe that if I eat two chocolate éclairs it will satisfy me for them. Once you have tasted of the pie the temptation is more difficult to resist that is true with sex too hedonism needs bigger pleasure to get the same fix and that is borderline addiction.  First its chocolate éclairs then its Chox buns and after that well you just stop bakery vans and eat the lot right? Yes there is a threshold of self control and I am exaggerating  but I think we forget that we are children of God and like no father wants to have to wheel their morbidly obese child around and pay for their dentures God doesn't want to see us following sex to seek pleasure or satisfaction or identity. Its a rule out of love, like the parent telling the child they can't have the ice cream from the van because they want them to be happy and healthy not always after ice cream.

The thing is we have allowed our culture to define something God created in its own terms. Sex is not solely about pleasure, its actually about much much more: intimacy, love, friendship, covenant commitment its about creating bonds which will last a life time, family and so much more. Its not about the instant gratification and it certainly isn't about you; its about him or her its about loving them enough to share life together all of it the good the bad and the ugly. Sex is not synonymous with pleasure - why do they ( the world and his dog) want to sell it short? that is just it- they want to sell it or rather to use it to sell stuff. Hedonism feeds materialism because when people become a means to pleasure they become a commodity. Sex was never designed to make people a commodity- something you can throw away at the drop of a hat when they no longer meet your needs. Furthermore, when it boils down to it, that is what this sex obsessed culture has at its core materialism and consumerism. True marriage is radically different its about committing your life to someone and them committing theirs to you and that God himself will fill the spaces that your spouse can't because its not just a covenant with each other it is also with God. That is why consumer sex feels empty the morning after because it is in the wrong place and it is missing that agape the security of forever and a faithful God. See you can't talk about healthy sex without marriage even if you want to.

He'll leave me - I feel I have to. 

Anyone who is worth being with will respect your opinion on your own body. Sex without mutual consent has a name its called RAPE. You have to be on the same page or if not you have to go with the most conservative because no matter your religious view that is common decency in any relationship to not push someone to doing things they don't want to do. So what if s/he gets bored and leaves? Being pressured into it is never good  by your partner, your friends, their friends. What does that say about a relationship really if you are being pressured into doing things, you are on shaky ground. If s/he doesn't like that then they are not worth being with because anyone who cares anything will not push you. I know that this doesn't just go guy pushing girl, some of you may not believe it but I know Guys who have been pushed into stuff... Learn who you are and learn where your security lies ( in Christ.). 

I've done it so what does it matter now... 

So whatever the circumstance it happened; drunk, sober, consensual or non-consensual, Christian, atheist at the time, baby, STD, love, boredom, engaged or one night stand you have popped the proverbial cherry so now it doesn't matter... the V card is gone so what is the point in waiting?

If you have given your life to Jesus there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus ( Romans 8:1) and his mercies are new every morning. we are dead in our transgressions and alive in Christ. It doesn't mean you shouldn't confess it, rebuke it and repent of it -its always good to tell him things and get things right with him ( no cheap grace here)- but you should decide on the truth based on the biblical evidence and make your conscience right with him. Sin is sin - murder to gossip. It bothers me that some people have wrongly preached that sexual sin is worse than any other. That is not true. If you caused another to sin then I can see that having a biblical foundation especially if they were innocent but unless you raped someone this is unlikely. Sin is all nailed to the same cross and is all bourne by the same beautiful man. It is all things that separate us from his best. Do not believe sin has a score of how bad because all sin is bad but no sin is irredeemable.( look it up if you don't believe me.)

Soul ties matter so you should be seeking healing and God for those. I believe that there is nothing that God cannot redeem.  We are so like this in our culture - accidently eat the doughnut and write the diet off for another day. oh its January 2nd bang goes that resolution for the year.... do you know what you do with your body matters to God as much now as it did then and he loves you. Choose his way not because you should but because it is the best. His best is the best. Ask for the gift of purity, commit to him the brokenness you carry and  healing your past sexual or not and making his story your story.

and what about that word: Chastity 

Yes its not glamorous and yes it is hard, if you spend any time around married people you will know marriage is hard, oh they don't tell you that one in Disney movies now do they. But you need to learn to be content whatever the circumstances. News flash being single is hard too. For me that means embracing this old fashioned word not as a label but as God's best for me in this season. I know that it is not celibacy the choice not to marry or sleep with anyone but to wait. Wait for whatever God's best means for me. To know that Sex doesn't define pleasure and neither does pleasure define sex. But now I will wait knowing that I have come to my own conclusions which is probably the most important thing of all because my conviction is not based on my feelings but knowing why its God's best and that will  be enough to overrule my feelings if I meet someone. 

 How does Chastity fit in our modern world?