I suppose I should give you my blog readers a little background on what my fourteen year old 00s life was like:
I spent my life waiting for Artemis Fowl and Harry potter books to come out, thinking about kissing boys either from films/tv, in the church youth group or at school. Which is definitely a normal thing - or so I am told. I would also look up famous historical women either on the (what I would now consider) very slow internet or in books. I would draw Cutie pies - they are pie charts of how much I liked boys mostly from Harry potter films or bands some who were more real like at youth club or school. It is pathetically sad but when you are a teenager before selfies, angry birds and vines- we had to do something right?! Mostly talk on Messenger and be all angsty in our own naughties way. Oh and I didn't get a mobile until I was 16. Truth was when I was fourteen no one had a phone apart from our parents. Everyone had messenger though and internet time was limited as everyone wanted to use it at some point in an evening. Homework was excruciating and all our teachers would talk about is GCSE options and which sets you would be in. All my friends - well some of the other girls in my class got to go to SNAP discos where they would kiss a lot of boys. But I was never allowed to go!
In my fourteenth year I went on French Exchange and got propositioned on the school bus by a fifteen year old French guy with the classic line 'tu est belle, je suis facile - on y va' ( you are beautiful, I am easy- let's go) - they say chivalry is dead! and of course the rather traumatic year nine camp which included watching a boy in my year eat rabbit poo on the hike which we got very lost on #truestory and getting flooded out our tent. I think I was fourteen when we went on church youth weekend away and the boys sneaked in alcohol I mean what church youth weekend away would be complete without broken teenagers and 'magic juice' right?
Anyway here goes
Dear Fourteen year-old self,
I know your questions to future/ now me - what happens in Harry Potter? Am I married? Did I get to be a bridesmaid? Did he kiss me? Will I get into university- and study what? Do I still go to Church?I was thinking about your questions and perhaps you aren't asking the right questions. I fell in love, a deep agape love, a love that I have committed my heart, body and soul to but I am not married ( at least not yet). I haven't yet got to be a bridesmaid but I realised that weddings are not as important as marriages and building up people- encouraging people is more important than wearing a pretty dress on one day of their life and I did go to university and I studied the subject that I loved most for which I am thankful. That love I spoke of - it is with Jesus.
Love is not like you think it is. Falling for someone is not as simple as Disney films or romance novels make it out to be. its a lie to say you fall in love. Love is not something you stumble upon it is a choice you make and when you make that choice you have to do it in a healthy way you need to choose to love someone who builds you up. Also relationships are hard no one ever tells you you have to work at them. Does now really matter more than how or who? I don't think it does. I am now in my mid twenties and honestly I am glad that the first guy I kissed was someone I deeply cared about, he was my first boyfriend. I am thankful I waited. That matters that it didn't happen at some party that you weren't drunk or being watched by some nasty girls, the fact even that you'll know his name matters more than you think it does. I would like to say that pervy guys like the French guy on the bus grow up but they don't. It won't be the last time that you will be propositioned on public transportation, but you will be able to deal with it better next time.
There are many things you don't know yet about yourself. You know you are brave but you don't know how brave. You know that you work hard but what you don't know is it will never gain you acceptance Despite what your teachers think you are gifted and talented, in fact you will do exceptionally well in your GCSEs ( better than some of the G and T group) despite tough circumstances. I know I'm beautiful and I am worthy of love and that who I am is lovely and worth being friends with. I am worth being friends with. All things you are yet to learn, please enjoy learning them
I think you often forget that they haven't seen what you have seen- they don't know what it is like to fight for everything. Your life isn't like most people's your age- however, don't forget you don't know everyone's story. One day your experiences will come out for the good. But for now they are something that you have which the vast majority of your peers don't. Most of the people around you are not made of the stuff you are. The crucible of life is to refine not to destroy you. You have character because of them. There is light - one day you won't have to fight for everything any more. Most of our peers and friends cannot comprehend the life we have lived and that may not change- there will always be sheltered people and VERY sheltered people but their lack of trouble neither makes you better nor worse just different. It means God can use you in different ways. I wish I could say that the trouble stops but I can't say that to you - we are promised trouble by Jesus (John 16:33). There will be more difficult things ahead but I know you are stronger than you think and you can endure more than you can even imagine. Also that you will be put in situations and with people who need you to have experienced what you have and somehow that makes them matter more than you could ever believe possible.
My advice to you would be fourteen year self to be always teachable, to love with everything in you and to take each day as it comes. To learn and love who you are, do not be afraid of the future nor the past. Treat everyday as a clean start and keep asking questions.
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