So I am still job hunting as my intersnhip end date draws closer. I had a telephone interview on Friday and although rejections seem bountiful and interviews are in the singular thus far. Somehow I feel more positive mostly because more suitable and some very exciting jobs keep popping up on these websites.
There are days when strange things happen to me and Monday was one of them and it all started with pig biscuits we were doing the prodigal son with the small children so went to Tesco in the next town to buy the marshmallows and rich tea biscuits and other bits needed and I was walking down towards the station when this guy looked at me as if he recognised me. I definitely didn't recognise him but that isn't saying much in my job I meet so many people and when you go to two churches it is kinda hard to tell especially when you were wiped and feeling a bit rubbish as I was then. As I crossed the road there he was again 'your gorgeous' he said smiling 'my name is Gary* by the way.' I was like 'uh I'm Allie' he asked me if I lived around here I was like 'I uh live somewhere.' mostly because that was what my brain could come up with as a genuine answer at the time.
When we got to the station I went to the machine to buy my ticket and two minutes later here was Gary* handing me a piece of paper it had Gary 07------ he said 'if you want to go out sometime text me.' I smiled and fished my ticket out the machine. As I walked over the bridge to wait for my train my friend text me about our plans so by the time I got to the opposite platform I was texting her back there's Gary opposite when I finish looking at me mouthing are you texting me....? I shook my head (AWKWARD). Then his train came and that was it.
Now the question was do I text him. A huge part of me said no and there was this tiny 14 year old girl inside me which was dancing around singing 'A guy gave me his number...a guy called me gorgeous.' suffice to say my brain said no and it won... but it got me thinking do men really think that will work? I was flattered but all I know about Gary was that he was called Gary I don't know anything more about him except perhaps his taste in clothes and now his number. If we had talked all night at a bar or wherever then he had given me his number but it worried me that he knew my name and what I looked like and wanted a date. Are guys really that shallow? Would girls fall for it are they that shallow?
The non Christian dating world is so alien to me - ok lets be honest the whole dating world is alien to me I've been single for more than a year now after my first and only ever boyfriend which didn't work out. Thing is most of my life I have had a lot of guy friends but when you have a boyfriend its not appropriate to have those kinds of friendships with guys not because said boyfriend was jealous (that is well irrelevant) but because I realised that as an adult you have to have accountable boy-girl friendships because well it all gets messy otherwise and intimacy issues rear their ugly head.
That got me thinking because Gay relationships and homosexuality has been on my mind a lot recently because it seems to be the issue 'de jour'. Anyway in Christian circles we are told to foster good solid close relationships with friends of the same sex but what if that is unhelpful especially if you see someone as a good friend and they are seeing you as girlfriend material (this has not happened to me or anyone I know but :| ) so why are we told to foster these kinds of friendships chastity and accountability I suppose. I have probably opened a huge can of worms but I think we need to be cool about stuff these days because I can have a good close friendship with a guy and not fancy him in the least and visa versa so why then did my brain say it must be unhelpful for people who fancy the same sex.
I just re- read that paragraph and I realised that it happens all the time you like someone and they see you as a friend or visa versa gay or straight - woman or man on the whole we as humans like so many more people in our lives than we kiss or date and we date more than we marry and well not all of them last despite the best of intentions. My history of liking boys and men is crazy long and messy and usually they are sentences which end good happy (although not always healthy) friendships. Boys/Men liking me is a short list its possible I said yes to dating Charlie* because well he liked me and he was a good friend. So why does God let us fancy all these people (for me men) why do we go through heartache? That is easy so we can grow so we can learn. I'm a better person for it but it is not what it felt like at the time. God loves me and I love him above all else that is what I learnt focus on him not my then relationship. When I get married to someone I in all probability haven't met or noticed yet I will be a better wife than if I had never been kissed by Charlie in August 2008. I also think its part of something in us we are programmed to see and appreciate beauty both of physical appearance and of personality. Which matters personality really matters to me I know this for certain because I spent some time with identical twin boys and I really liked one and not the other whom I saw just as a friend.
I am not quite sure how we got here but oh well - job applications to fill out I guess - why I haven't written for so long and a trip to Illfracombe with the seniors which was hilarious. I have changed the names of the people I have mentioned because well its not fair to name and shame people even if it is just their first name.
*Not their real name
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