Timidity and Bravery- of dogs and public speaking.

"Allie you are a Brave person..."

I have been told so many times in my life just how brave I am, the first time [I remember] was when I, aged four had stitches for falling over a doorstep then three days later for tripping over again. (always very accident prone.) bravery is not something anyone can quantify or contain its doing something in the face of peril or danger. I could give you the edited highlights of my bravery more than a few stitches in A&E but I won't not because I am scared what you would say but because you don't want to hear my life story and its besides the point..

I guess you are probably wondering what this has to do with my apparent absence from the blogsphere and lack of Art of late. Its not that I haven't been writing blog posts I have its just I haven't felt the courage to hit publish. I could cry busyness - which I have been very busy this last month - but who isn't busy. Truth is sometimes i am a bit of a scardey cat- often i am a scardey cat. when it comes to hide in a corner or face your foes  I guess my bravery is often in question. The thing is that people categorise life stuff you survived XYZ so you should be able to do ABC but its rubbish. Anyone who has been through serious trauma will tell you it doesn't work like that, each situation is different for each person.

For example until fairly recently I was scared of dogs to the point I would cross the street to avoid walking past a big dog. Dogs are growing on me slowly but if you had said sing or speak in public in front of lots of people it wouldn't bother me much but walk a dog now that would be something that would have scared me to pieces, its a totally trivial example but the fact that I can speak in public doesn't mean I can walk a big dog or  something similar or that those things didn't scare me. Being brave is not just about overcoming fear its about making yourself vulnerable and I guess that is what I have sort of been afraid of. second guessing what you would want to read about.

As for my lack of artwork I could put it down to the fact I have been very stressed and I just can't draw when i am stressed. or the fact i have found a slightly different outlet for my creativity which is frog shaped cuddly toy... anyway here is to all those brave people out there who walk dogs on a daily basis and are fighting terrible demons and diseases - never forget being brave is about knowing you are not in it alone that he is with you IS 40:29-31...


now to hit publish...