The book that will change your life, your heart and your nation

I grew up in a Christian home whatever that means, our family Bible sat in the hallway bookshelf to be dusted off for crossword puzzles and when mum would read at church. I got my own copy for school aged 11 and it was like any other text book just sitting in my bag or my locker. Then there was the one I got when made my confirmation from my mother's God mother which I preceded to cover in stickers and took with me to Sunday night bible study but never would open otherwise. When Grandma died the family one arrived all 20lb of it to go in the lounge under one of the chairs. My brother had a cool youth bible, and later there was the message which one of the cool kids in our bible study had. I never valued this book that would be put out on every other chair every Sunday morning in church and would be good for 2 across 'who was the fifth king of Israel'.

Like many of my peers I fell away and ended up at university not really sure where this God I had loved once was but I knew that he didn't care about my life. Of course he did care he knew he drew me back and I found myself in the Christian union and at a church where I was alone. I had 20 essential books that I had brought with me one of which I had read almost every night since I was child by that point. Ballet shoes by Noel Streatfield. I valued books I looked after my books but well not the Bible. Then I met a girl at university- let's call her Rose* ( not her real name), and that changed everything. There are some Friends you have that change your life for better or worse and she was one of them.

Rose was a friend of mine at university she was serious about her faith and that intrigued me but what intrigued me more was that she was serious about the Bible. I couldn't understand it why would that book matter. It was only really read in church? right? but she lived by it, it mattered to her. We both had boyfriends at the time but she used the Bible with hers to set boundaries and I couldn't understand it. She cited the Bible as reason why all religions didn't lead to God. She never used the words biblical world view but she just seemed to have it. 

I bought a bible - a study bible. I was intrigued at how that one book not in my top twenty essential fiction books that needed to come with me to university.  I started going to 5 o clock personal bible study time. Then I began living with 4 other girls including my friend Rose I would argue with her that it was just a nice book of stories about Jesus and she would tell me it was more - so much more ' its the infallible word of God Allie.' she told me one day and that blew my mind what did God write it with his finger? She explained that it was inspired by God but written by people. Actually the fact that she based her opinions from this book not from what felt right was so challenging to me. Why did it matter what the book said when I know how I feel. 

Slowly I began to value it, it took years. I would go to the weekly bible study for students and still try and work out if it mattered to me, if this book with all its stuff really made a difference- if I could even do that. Then I ended up on my very first mission trip to Bosnia Herzegovnia and we studied Jonah and that book began to come alive to me and I saw God in a different way and I knew that I couldn't just sit through life and I had to make a decision to live God's way. One of the girls on the trip spoke about how reading the epistles was good so when I got home I began to read them starting in Romans all the way to Jude. 

I applied for Jobs but nothing so I made the choice sat in my bedroom that no matter what I would trust God with my life praying Proverbs 3:3-8 over my life. Which was then followed by a phone call  less than an hour later with an offer of an internship. Over the last 4 years I have been learning as much as I can about this book and my beautiful God. This Bible school came out of nowhere for me and I never thought I would be going to Africa to teach this book. I have learned how to read this book which is in its literary, historical and grammatical context and how it really matters, how God designed every sphere of life and how we are supposed to live. It paints a consistent picture of God and of us as his children, it has the power to change the world 

We took this biblical truth to the nations of Nigeria and Tanzania. Because the truth can bring change to hearts and heart change brings change to lives and life change brings change to communities and community change brings change to Nations. 

Only the dishonest fear the truth and the truth brings freedom for the captives and life abundant. Living Biblically is a challenge one we have to face every day. But what I learned from Rose is that it can also be challenging to people, and incite change. Last summer I felt the Lord prompt me to get baptised by immersion and who was there cheering me on - my friend and her husband. 

House rules.

How is tolerance tolerance if someone who opposes your view is met with hate? Tolerance cuts both ways. Who are you to judge what will or won't affect someone? Because if Love truly wins then it should cast out fear after all there is no fear in Love - true love but I find myself afraid to comment even though I know I should that not doing so is passive. The problem is I have had mixed feelings on this issue from the beginning and any time I get any kind of conviction I am challenged from all sides. The truth is that love is not about being right nor is it about forcing your opinions on others. Love is among many other things about consent - you cannot have true love without consent.

Love is about the truth and the truth is that God loves you for who you are whatever your baggage and stuff he longs desperately for relationship, he longs for you to turn to him and follow his ways. It is not up to me to judge if you don't live inside his Lordship - if you have no relationship with Jesus, know he wants you to but ultimately you don't live under his rules. If you live in relationship with him then well you should know that the law is not there to change your life but it is there to see what pleases God and brings him joy. After all the law is a sign that you are convicted by the truth of his love for you and that you have made him the lord of your life because those you love you want to please. If you give consent to his Lordship that is your choice.

Don't sear your conscience either way. Choose life, it is the truth that God made and designed people and he loves them beyond any earthly partner. There are good choices for spouses and bad choices even the atheists will tell you that, wise and unwise whichever sex the spouse. The truth is if you are under Christ's Lordship then he should get a say in that process. If you want to get married in a church in front of God then he should get a say in that process, what happens in his house should be according to His rules. They are not bigoted because he allows all opinions - he gave all free will after all to think what they want its just his house has rules. Some houses you take your shoes off and some you can't talk about Obama or the war or smoke or whatever. You come under the dominion of the owner you respect their rules whether trivial or otherwise. it is not loving to break their rules, its very rude so why would God be any different.

Is this a travesty for America? I don't know the answer I am not an American, I know many who say that the supreme court has no right to make that decision on the behalf of the states. I know that it is a travesty that some pastors will be forced to act against their convictions or face court proceedings. I know that it is a travesty that people are persecuting others in the supposed name of Love. It is a travesty that the people who are pointing fingers and accusing people of bigotry and intolerance are in fact being bigoted and intolerant by doing so.

Bigoted 

adjective

1. having or revealing an obstinate belief in the superiority of one's own opinions and a prejudiced intolerance of the opinions of others.

   
   

intolerant

adjective

not tolerant of views, beliefs, or behaviour that differ from one's own.

Take a look at yourself have you decided that your opinion is superior and are being intolerant of opinions of others even if you think their view as backward and outdated. The truth is if you honestly believe that truth is relative and that people can have whatever opinion they want then you should not throw stones at other people's opinions. I am not doing that, because that isn't loving I am not throwing any stones.. You can believe that you have every right to marry a horse... ah no you don't believe that do you.... or a child??? you definitely don't believe that child marriage is OK. So there are some things that are not OK? quite right there I too believe that neither of those things are OK. But perhaps it might not be therefore so far-fetched that someone might not define those boundaries the way you do. Where are you getting your definition from? the Law? well that has been changed many many times! people were marrying even before the bible was written. Many cultures define marriage differently even within the bible. However for me the definition of marriage comes from Jesus, so when or if I get married it will be in that context because I have made the commitment for God to be Lord of my life. For me marrying a woman would not be marriage because I am under that context of commitment to Christ as Lord. But if you haven't made that commitment, why should it matter because after all you are already grieving the heart of God from not accepting his love, not accepting his definition of marriage is probably way down on the list of things that hurt him.

For me the law change in my homeland ( 4 years ago) and here in the US perhaps makes little difference because the laws of both nations permit things that are contrary to the law of God, Abortion is one big one. All I know is that it is time for the Church not to point fingers and get all uppity but it is the time for the church to pray and to love like never before to show the heart of God to people where they are at not to throw stones and point fingers because the truth is the Laws of the land we live in are not the laws of the Bible.

The price tag on obedience.

Since the beginning of this year as many women in their twenties hear friends have announced starting relationships, engagement, buying a house and having babies. I am doing none of those things. This week it really hit me the cost of what I do not in terms of finances but in terms of what I have given up.

I am an erratic blogger the history column to the right will attest to that - aside from the fact I have two blogs this one and the one about my 'job' which when I am away takes priority. See I am a missionary. I have been in various ways all of my professional life. It is not a life I chose for myself but it is borne out of wilful obedience and many people question why? or at least I think they do because few verbalise the question. I often feel I have to justify it because it makes people uncomfortable because they perceive that I don't think they are as holy as me or that I feel holier than them. The truth is I am no more holy than any other Christian.

Honestly I don't feel very holy, I still sin everyday and fall short. Holiness comes from God anyway! It doesn't come from works. If you are doing the thing that God has asked you to do - we are doing the same holy thing. I choose obedience even if it costs everything because that is what Christ modelled. Obedience looks different wherever you are it has no definite outside. If it was up to me I would probably be in a 9-5 job somewhere engaged and looking at the housing market. But I gave up that right a long time ago - to let it be up to me.

I have talked about surrender many many times but it is so important because well it's the thing that God keeps leading me back to - pick up my cross and follow him. The truth is that we don't get to manipulate God and we don't get to have it all our way neither of those things are his character or his will.

The cost of obedience is everything: my reputation; the direction of my life; whether or not I get married and have children; the country I am in; who I meet and hang out with; the money I have and how I spend it; my security oh and of course being in relationship with my beautiful saviour feeling loved accepted and living the best version of my life.

We don't get to choose the path ahead of us we don't get to choose its cost but it's worth is everything. Who knows I might end up in five years living the 9-5 life  husband and all but somehow I doubt it, yes God gave me my desires but he also gave me the privilege of releasing them to him and letting him use my passions and skills the way he made me. Turns out many of the skills I've gained and used are transferable.

So where am I off to this time? Well I am off to America once more to train and go on a mission trip probably to Africa this time. I am hoping this will be the last school. I know it will be hard and I will have to learn more about the bible than I thought ever possible - I know I will be challenged and I will have to change my perspective on things. How do I know its God's voice telling me to do this - easy God often tells me to do something so outside my thinking pattern - something so left field it couldn't be myself.

Honestly I am just a girl who wants to do what her heavenly daddy says not because he is controlling but because he knows what is best for me. I want to be fully who I was made to be. I want to live a life of obedience because anything else would be a shadow of who I am. The truth is many people are passive and live in well when God tells me and everything is perfect I will go but the bible doesn't say that it just says GO. That is passive, passive is not who we are. If god is saying nothing then do the thing that burns your heart the thing that you are enjoying - make a plan and give it to him saying this is Plan A lord if it is not your plan then tell me otherwise. Don't be afraid to lay out a prayer fleece like Gideon. When I was praying through this step I said to the lord let the first American ( outside of whom I was travelling with)  I meet when we go to the next place be from that state. They were and their nearest city was the one I am going to.

I think it comes down to this; you can either choose to be obedient or comfortable and everyday with every choice you make you choose one or the other. I would rather choose obedient as he is the way the truth and the life. We are promised trouble and contentment not ease and comfort and that is the choice I make no matter the cost - so what if I am the last of all my friends to be married - if I even get married. So what if I am the only one without a mortgage by the time I am thirty so what if I am not a mother? That is their path and this is mine.

See the knife cuts both ways. My life may seem crazy and glamorous but it isn't neither is it super holy. The truth is mission is loving the person in front of you regardless of who they are. To me a stable job, happy marriage and a mortgage sounds awesome and glamorous but I know from my friends who live that - its hard. This is because life is Hard and we are to be content no matter the circumstances obedience and living a life of obedience is relative to everyone but it is always the right choice to make.

The first love

Valentines day. It is common for us single people to use valentines day as an excuse to wallow in the fact that it is another year we are still waiting for the husband or wife that is not here yet.

Yet singleness is a season of joy and delight and that is ours for the choosing. The last few days I have been sharing my testimony with people again especially the part about putting my hope in a relationship with a man and not God.
I was reminded of the concept of the first love. Not all loves in our lives are equal after all I love my parents more than I love chocolate brownies. The Greeks used many words for love. Philia which is the love of a things. Romantic  love which was Eros and agape which is unconditional love.

What is your first love? Which love is above and before, if it came to the crunch which love would you fight for and if you did which would you lay down your life for.  

This is how God showed his love among us he sent his one and only son into the world that we might live through him. This is love, not that we loved God but that he sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:9-10)

This is love giving up something precious for someone more precious. Giving the deepest desires of your heart to the only one who can fully fulfill them. Choosing him as your first love as he chose you then it is only right to choose him right back.

If you spend the single years longing to be married then you will miss the tender words of the only one who can fully quench your hearts thirst for love and acceptance.

Many people believe that being married will solve all their problems but that is not true. As hard as single life is so is married life too. Because it is life.  Is it fair to expect another person to solve your problems? Of course not that is not a mature response.

Maybe this season is for your first love the one who loves you on a level that is not human to do so. Perhaps he is growing and preparing you for something in a way he couldn't if you were married. He delights over you, he loves you more than anyone ever could.

The truth is that marriage is not eternal. Even the best marriages last 80 years or so at most. His love him as the husband of your soul.

In that day declares the lord you will call me " my husband". (Hosea 2:16)

He is our husband and we his bride. 

My heart just is his.  It is clear that we need to guard our hearts because they are the wellspring of our lives. That means taking thoughts and obsession with someone captive and choosing not to obsess in liking someone just keep surrendering the thoughts and feelings to the Lord. Guarding your heart is important.

Also the single season is awesome because you are less distracted by the romance of men. It is a season of joy and happiness and love you just have to choose it. Even if the call to marriage you can feel in your bones like a fire.

I will end with this thought what if we put the same energy praying for revival as we did thinking and praying for a husband  do you not think that we will bring the kingdom of heaven closer.

A cloud which bytes

I had a very surreal moment the other day when my mum told me that a facebook game was and I quote a " time bandit - it steals my time "

The next day a good friend of mine who is older than me asked me if I could fix it so that she no longer got candy crush requests from an old friend. " I don't want to upset her but I get 20 of the darn things a day. Can you stop her sending them.  It is driving me crazy"

I was born not with a metaphorical spoon in my mouth but a computer mouse. Let me explain my dad writes software and my grandad  well he was a electrical engineer and worked for the guy who invented TV. My mum taught first little kids then before she got sick computers. I do not remember a time in my life twenty odd years when I didn't know how to use a computer.

My mum remembers her first television set arriving my dad does not as grandad built one for his bride to watch the coronation in the 1950s.
In the last 100 years technology moves on so fast even I one of the oldest digital natives am struggling to keep up- I remember friends getting computers and wondering why it was such a big deal as don't all daddy's build them from scratch?

It leaves the question of in an increasingly digital age where my photos sync to the cloud and I can scribble on my keypad and it writes words. Are we shutting out our elders and not allowing us to learn things you can't google.

And what about them like my Nana who knows how to do some things but has no idea how the rest work.  Or my lovely mum who is fighting a battle new that I have for years " I love the game but it is stealing my life "  I know that honestly I feel that progress for the sake of progress it's no progress at all. I know that the black mirror has corrupted our society. But it draws you back as I write this in scribbles. Again and again.

I don't know a world in which all communication is not easy and desirable. I know that I have all the say in what I see and from whom. And I know that many older people wish for a phone free social time. But the truth is I am often alone with my phone in pocket in a room full of my peers.

Because technology has its place and it has its uses but people matter more than screens and contact this second so that I can fully live in the moment. Who taught me that well a computer teacher and a software engineer... My parents.

Why feminists should take a leaf out of their own book.

A few days ago I read an article in which Kaley Cuoco of the big bang theory stated that amongst other things she loved to look after her man.

As you can imagine every feminist worth their salt came up with a blog post on how she was corrupted by the establishment or something like that. That she betrayed women kind.

But in so doing they have totally missed it.  Kaley Cuoco like millions of women before her was expressing her femininity. This is not a woman cooped up in a house the slave of a society which does not allow for her to be fully herself.  This is a wealthy actress who travels the world and commands the screen in a show that is loved all over the world.  She does not need a man to complete her  she is successful in her own right. 

That is what true  feminism boils down to letting everyone be themselves and not letting gender hinder them from opportunity or living life to the fullest.

That is why Jesus came for us to have life to the fullest and not be hindered in being fully who we were created to be. He was (and is) a feminist. He desires for all to be all that they were made to.

If Kaley or anyone else's expression of their true heart and femininity is to cook their husbands dinner, do his laundry and let him mow the lawn or build the deck. It doesn't stop others burning their bra and  being CEO of a cooperation. 
So feminists lay down your pens or tablets and see that expressions of Femininty are as diverse as women themselves. Being a feminist should mean you should rejoice over women not following the 'done' thing but being wholly themselves. In our culture it is no longer acceptable to say you enjoy looking after your husband and why should it be that way because for millions of women educated,  beautiful and successful who  enjoy leaving their jobs for raising their kids or love nothing better than to cook their husbands favorite dinner.  And men who love to spend time at their daughters ballet recital and  enjoy cooking too. 

Beyond the tinsel

IThis year my Christmas will look very different. Not just because it will be the first without my family but because I am in a different culture entirely.

I thought that I had a good Christian view of Christmas. But being in a country where the possibility of a white Christmas is pretty much nil.
Also in a culture where you are very much Christian and yet don't go to church on Christmas day is alien.

It has lead me to ponder the bare bones of Christmas. What it is and why we celebrate it. The other day I saw the Grinch stole Christmas for the first time and I wonder if  that is the secular perception that it is just consumerism gone crazy.

Christmas comes from the mass of Christ we celebrate his birth that is not new news to most people. Most people have random childhood nativity memories. I as Mary in my nursery nativity play swapped josephs half way to Bethlehem. Because Joseph one decided that he would rather be a shepherd with guys brother. I know of stories of the first  innkeepers saying come in we have cable or wise men running off with the gold.

But where does that leave us with unto us a child is born unto us a son is given. Because god himself intervening in human history to change it and our fate in a world where everyone had turned away (psalm 53:2-3) was not enough? The creator and architect of our very universe would wear human flesh and come to earth as we do cocooned in our mother. Vulnerable, dependant and naked.  He showed us what it means to love to be close to god and the life that he would have us live. Perhaps that is the point him and only him our god is with us.