Speed dating - a step into the purple.

I have just spent the last two weeks at a national Christian conference, Over the next couple of weeks I will be blogging about what I have learned and about what is going on because I am in a season of waiting which usually means I will be blogging more than usual.

I thought I would start with my experiences of Speed dating

WK1 Thursday

I've never really dated. In fact I have only been on one pre relationship date. So, speed dating sounded like a fun night and who knows right? 

It was a simple thing right I am at a national Christian conference so why not? 

I prayed for the lord to guard my heart and against akward. Put a smile on my face and said hello to guy number 1 I ticked the guys I had a good conversation with and were going in similar directions in terms of passion and ministry. 14 dates later the final klaxon sounded and I met all but 2 of the guys in my age group. I did chat to both at the bar after. My initial assessment was that I hadn't met my husband tonight - but who knows right. There was no one guy I especially hit it off with. So I did what any sane single girl would do which was to tick the ones who I felt I would like to be friends with and whose conversation did not contradict what I know of God's plan for me. So I didn't tick Africa Guy who was itching to get back there as my heart is broken for those who need Jesus here in the UK or the guy who wanted to work with the inner city youth after all I ache for the wordly rich spiritually poor who have more than everything but not Jesus.. 

I didn't think through the whole thing that the next day there would be an envelope with my results. It felt weird. You have a match stared back at me and I was like a oh, See its only a match if you tick each other.. See I fully expected a zero match scenario.See the thing was because I did it for a laugh because I wasn't out to find a husband  after all I am more than likely flying out to the US in 6 weeks or so, I don't want a relationship right now. I loved meeting new people and chatting. It wasn't that I have no self esteem and thought no one would like me it was that I didn't go into that scenario thinking I would get a date out of it.

I suddenly felt 14 again trying to work out what to do when that note is passed you know the one ' He likes you.' and you are not exactly sure if it was a joke or not. I didn't think I would feel like that after all it was all a laugh right? Luckily, I definitely remembered who he was and some of our conversation - Nice guy - asked good questions and had decent come backs. Questions swirled in my head does that mean he likes me? What if he ticked the wrong box? What if he had lost his sheet? Should I text him? ahhh!!!! The dangerous adventurer in me told me to go for it - to text him and see. So I did - we will see what happens with that.  

WK2 Monday

A text telling me he didn't have time came a day or so after I text him. I let it go thinking I would leave it up to him, I wasn't going to chase anything or push myself on anyone. I was slightly bemused by the whole experience if I am honest. Decided that I would do it again next week. Awkwardly the match guy was on the catering team. Every time I was in the lunch or dinner queue and I could see him  at the stationwhere those of us who can't eat the dinner went for the other options( ie vegetarian) I would pray that I wasn't allergic to the food. I didn't want to have that awkward conversation - perhaps not a mature response but all I could think of was the akwardness. 

I got chatting with another guy in the bar that night - speed dating ground zero-I mean. We hung out a bit had dinner together a few times, he was lovely but you know when you are getting to know someone as a friend then they get ahead of themselves. He asked if it was going anywhere. All I could think of was that I had only known him four days. What could have been a great friendship potentially plus turned sour. This dating stuff something Christian youth leaders call 'purpleing' ( Pink+ Blue = Purple.) seems to be a mine field, I realised that I was dipping my toe into a confusing world.

WK2 Thursday

"Allie you are going to be joining the catering team."  The team manager of my team told me totally out of the blue yesterday. I was being seconded to them.  needless to say it did not cross my mind  in the hours which followed that week 1 match was on that team. I was more afraid of the fact that there would be food I am allergic to. ( I will blog about this experience another time.) 

After my first breakfast shift. I spoke to the washing up crew (what an awesome bunch of individuals).

"you did speed dating didn't you." one of the girls asked "get any matches?!"

I told her that I did and as I told her I realised that he was on this team then it dawned on me because I am a compulsive over thinker that he might have thought I'd followed him to the team because - I liked him that much! Cringe ( the thought of it makes me squirm- who does that? seriously? because manipulating a situation to be near someone is plain desperate - I am sorry but it is) oh dear. She asked who and I told her. They all laughed. 

He then came to speak to me during lunch explaining that inebriation had caused amnesia and he couldn't remember much of speed dating. Which whilst explained the texting predicament was hardly flattering. Drinking and ticking does not entirely make a good combo and Dutch courage only stretches so far. I know I am a beautiful woman and I am secure in Christ who defines my identity but honestly its not very nice to say that alcohol is the only reason I might be interested in you, to someone. Still it answered the question. No, he wasn't for me.

WK2 Saturday

Speed dating round two I came prepared to take it all as a laugh. It wasn't too much different except for the awkward moment of being sat opposite someone you know. I enjoyed it but again no one particularly stood out to me and I thought about God's timing and knew that I need to be single to keep my eyes on him for the next season - marriage and family can wait.

After all I am not looking for a Romeo or even a husband right now but if I were I think the whole experience has taught me that someone who loves Jesus with every fibre of their being and is ready for his wild goose chase is worth the wait.

As for speed dating...

The experience was great and perhaps I will repeat it but I think you you have to do it for a laugh else it may mess with your mind a little bit and your ego. That is why it is so important that you go into dating as a Christian with your identity firmly rooted and established in God's love...

Qualifications

Picking up my parents local paper today I read this article.

"Girl in year ten at *LOCAL SCHOOL* gets singing coaching qualification. whilst many would not attempt the qualification until many years later this girl did. with a smiling face in front of a piano"

My stomach lurched I couldn't  believe it. I was under the impression that they wouldn't let you do it until you were 18 anyway and I at 18 years and 6.5 months was one of the youngest ever to attempt it and to pass with Merit. I wasn't even sure what I thought of the article or that the board had even let her take the qualification as you would not be able to get insurance to teach or  be able to have your own business teaching anything like that until you were 18  she would not be able to earn money until after her 16th birthday. Did they bend the rules? there were so many questions in my head none of which I could answer.

Then I thought about the qualification I had  and how like its certificate it is gathering dust somewhere. Does it matter that this girl did it or does it matter more what is next how she uses it? I failed to use it really and perhaps God has other plans for it.

I thought about all the certificates I have and what they mean. I have many letters after my name, but none of them matter if i do nothing with them. If my Geography GCSE and history degree are worth no more than a few pub quiz answers what does that make me. Clearly I use them for more than that - with a good understanding of maths I can make sure I get value for money. With my geography GCSE I can make sense of the lines on the weather map. you get the idea.

In this season God has been apprenticing me but I have no idea what for but what I have learnt could be applied in all sorts of ways, and there is still some to come. However, what matters is not my learning or achievement but my willingness to love, my desire to walk in his way and the only qualification that matters is that I love him and I do.

Gap year or gap life?

I have just completed what seems from the outside like my third gap year ... I have had a paid Job albeit not a graduate job in some swanky office somewhere that is cool. I have even been promoted. I wouldn't change the last three years for anything.

I have worked for the church for three years, contrary to popular belief all Christians work for God not just worship leaders... also teachers, milkmen, shop girls and lawyers but I have spent three working for his bride;  two years just outside London doing anything and everything the church there needed me to and one on a national discipleship program in the west country being an intern in a larger church specifically working in two areas of ministry and I supported myself by working in what is absolutely definitely  the most awesome shop ever.

Looking at my three years post uni life I haven't exactly 'lived the dream' - most of my fellow alumni have salaries and some even have mortgages... gulp! Many have married got engaged or something like that and some even have started families..Eek. then there is me a law unto herself always gallivanting but not settling after move number 18 or 19 - four counties, many many postcodes.

But little old me - no I haven't done the normal expected thing at all. I didn't even do a gap yah travelling  across the world and having pictures taken with orphans that I was doing something really really important for the kingdom for which you can't really translate to people who are not there.... I get it, I do... people are dying of things that are treatable . But it's so easy to gloss over what is happening here and what people here are crying out for is also Jesus. See in the developing world you see their poverty in their lack of food and every day things. Here you see it in the never satisfied abundance in the have to have in the trying desperately to use anything to fill the space in their lives that only Jesus was designed to fill... the  unending loneliness of staring in the black mirrors. The self worth measured by social media friends and followers. Does someone liking a post or retweeting define me? no Jesus defines me my sole purpose is to reflect his glory and delight in his pleasure.

So rather than racking up stamps on my passport I was getting my hands dirty in the local church here in the UK where it desperately needs young people, not just in the building but in the community. We live in a age where the UK needs gap year students and young people more than you can possibly imagine to really make a difference for his kingdom in our kingdom. 97% of people in the UK don't go to Church we are one of the most spiritually poor nations in the world.   Actually taking a year out is not the issue  its viewing our own nation as the mission field that tends to boggle most people, although the tide is now turning in churches it seems to viewing their normal every day acquaintances, friends and colleagues as the mission field.

I have learned so much about the kingdom of God and I have seen God in ways I simply cannot describe and I know who I am in Christ now. But most of all I have seen over the last three years is the local Church - at its best and its worst and in all levels in between. There is one thing that trounces the statistics and never ceases to awe me is how much God loves the local church no matter how high or low Anglican
(or otherwise), weather they like the word religion and however much they are spirit led or lacking the church in all its brokenness and glory is beautiful. I think we have forgotten how to serve the local church - we have forgotten that it is his bride made of us.  I am the bride of Christ and so are you my brothers and sisters.

 The problem is she has got rather too skinny and a little bit vain. After all what is fed grows and what is left wastes away and the church has on the whole become individualistic and introverted - the mentality to go where you get fed  until you don't is understandable but not biblical and all it results in is spiritual constipation. Gone is the one thing I am most passionate about - the whole family of God. Many churches don't let the children ever sit through an entire service all age services are gone in favour of what nourishes the adults. One of the best services I have ever been to a teenager preached with a bottle of a popular cleaning product and everyone loved it. Many are reluctant to help with the outreach to the elderly  because they are afraid of them. Gone are the days when young and old worshipped together and your church was your community through the good and the downright awful. I see why its happened, however my heart rings with Psalm 145 One generation will commend your works to another. How can they when they don't even go to the same services any more?

  I am recklessly abandoned for his kingdom and in his love. Its like he's the wind and I sail where he leads me. I chose to leave an Ok relationship - which would have inevitably ended in marriage to pursue a covenant relationship of a different kind.  God has seriously broken my heart for the west and the elderly and perhaps that colours my opinion. However, I choose obedience and for me that means - for this season at least I will live an unconventional life one that requires being a nomad, leaving a job I love for the one I love but most of all it means that I go where he leads. To be honest I wouldn't have it any other way - wherever I end up. Next stop is the USA ( visa permitting.) on what could easily seem like the fourth gap year. I have learned that my perception of a Gap year for God was essentially time you let God have free reign of your life then well the real stuff begins the Salary, engagement and morgage. For some people that might be the case, that might even be what God has for them but for me, I am on a Gap life, My life is his whether I end up in Asia at an orphanage or in America with an international missionary organisation  or  in a local church just loving the elderly.

The thing is you only get one shot at life and mine belongs to Jesus - the whole shot- not just the easy bits or the normal bits. The whole lot. I love him and do you know what I'd rather have his adventure than my career success. I would rather have him than all the gold in the world, I'd rather his intimacy than a husband- really- but most of all I would rather be with him  and dwell  in the presence of the lord living by his word than anywhere - conventional or not!